Using a Focusing Partner

In "Agile Achievement", I briefly mentioned using a focusing partner to help you achieve your goals. In this article I'll be expanding on that point, and discussing what a focusing partner is and what they do.

A focusing partner is a person you deeply trust that will help you with your goals. They could be your spouse, a relative or a close friend. It doesn't have to be a one-way street, so you can both encourage each other as you work towards your goals. Remember that you aren't always going to succeed, so make sure you're comfortable with your focusing partner seeing you during your highs and lows.

The most important thing is that you must feel comfortable sharing your goals and plans, as holding back will only make things harder. Goal setting can be a deeply personal and spiritual exercise, and it often reveals the things that you hold to be truly important. Letting someone see this part of you can be difficult, especially if your ego is chattering away in the background.

Let go of the fear that you'll become vulnerable by revealing yourself. Once you've moved past this fear, you'll see that having a person to help you makes a huge difference to your life.

What's involved with being a focusing partner?

This all depends on personal preference, but as a bare minimum you should be in regular contact to discuss your progress. How often you meet is entirely up to you, but you should aim for at least once a week.

A focusing partner's duties include:

  • Reviewing progress – You should discuss your progress with your focusing partner, even if it's just a five minute phone call to ask how you're doing on each of your main goals. It's a good idea to have a copy of each other's major goals and plans to be reviewed, as well as any targets you may have set yourselves.
  • Reviewing plans – You will need to plan for any reasonably sized goal, so share your plans and review them regularly. It's often much easier for your focusing partner to see if they are realistic, as we can often give ourselves an unreasonable amount of work to do.
  • Talking through ideas – There will be bumps in the road, so it's always good to have someone to talk to about these problems. You can creatively work to solve each other's problems, and discuss your goals and plans for the future.
  • Objectively analysing strengths and weaknesses – Sometimes things will go right, and sometimes they will go wrong. Having an outside view on your situation can help you get a clearer view on what is actually happening. Beating yourself up over a failure will get you nowhere, and having a person to remind you of just how much you have achieved is invaluable.

Why use a focusing partner?

It can be very difficult to develop a personal sense of accountability when setting goals. It's all too easy to let days, weeks, and even months pass by without ever moving closer to your objectives. By telling someone about your goals, you're becoming accountable to them as well as yourself. This added incentive can be a huge boost to your powers of goal achievement.

Another large benefit of a focusing partner is that they can help push you outside of your comfort zone. Becoming stuck in a rut can sap your creativity and productivity, and having a close friend to motivate you through these difficult times can be invaluable.

A good example of this benefit can be seen in an activity such as running. If you're on your own, it's very easy to stop as soon as you're out of breath for the first time. Having a runner alongside you can help push you through the initial discomfort, and you'll find you become fitter much faster than if you were running on your own.

Don't be caught in the trap of thinking you have to achieve everything by yourself. Two people together can achieve much greater results than either one of them could individually.

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